By Liz H. Kelly
Have you seen the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You? It’s about all those crazy things that singles and married people do to mess up their relationships. This movie gets 3 stars for the love lessons about the Bad Lover Signs that should blast the alarm bells and make you run for the nearest exit! You want a relationship to go from Good to Great Love, and a Bad Lover only spells trouble and heartache.
If you can laugh at the extreme examples, you’ll find this movie entertaining. If you just had a hurtful breakup, avoid watching it until it comes out on DVD instead. Some of the silly excuses men tell women (or excuses women give men for not calling) are exaggerated for the big screen impact, but then again, there is a lot of truth to these tall tales.
Bad Lover Signs
1. Whimp Excuses – This movie does an awesome job showing how most men will make up the most ridiculous excuses to avoid conflict. When Connor (Kevin Connolly) has a first date with Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin), he says that he needs to go home after dinner. He then proceeds to call Anna (Scarlett Johansson) as he walks away on his cell to ask her to come over. All Connor had to say to Gigi was, I don’t think we have a romantic connection, but maybe we could be friends? This approach is much more healthy, but most men prefer to be whimps by taking the easy way out.
2. False Call Promises – If a guy tells you, “I’ll call you” without bringing up when or any type of plan, you can forget about him! This scenario happens way too often to Gigi when men give her their card in bars. She makes the mistake of asking one bachelor, “Ok, when are you going to call me?” Instead of wondering when he’ll call, be the prize and act like he’d be lucky to get a date with you.
3. Twisted Truths – Once a guy gets into a relationship and starts to stray, he’ll twist the truth at all costs to avoid getting caught. When Ben (Bradley Cooper) cheats on his wife, Janine (Jennifer Connolly), his excuses book keeps growing. What is sad is that at some point they were madly in love, and now this selfish creep is ready to throw her out like the garbage. Why not try to salvage a friendship by at least ending it cleanly (easier said than done, but at least try to be decent). As the movie makes clear, if you hear these messages from your lover, start packing your bags:
I don’t deserve you.
I don’t want to stand in your way.
You’re better off without me.
I don’t want to be responsible if you move and it doesn’t work out.
I need to work on myself.
Bad Lovers (mostly men) would much rather make you so mad that you dump them (trust me, I’ve interviewed these whimps for my book, Smart Man Hunting).
4. Sex Strike – If you’re not having sex like Ben and Janine, trust me, he is chasing someone else (or at the very least dreaming about it). Even though Ben is married, he simply cannot control his sexual urges when he meets Anna at the market. When Janine tells Ben, “I love you….I committed to you…Why can’t we just be happy?,” it doesn’t work because Ben has mentally checked out. You can’t assume that once you’re in a marriage, you’ll automatically be living in bliss forever. Relationships need updates. Each party needs to be constantly enhancing their lives to keep the love spice.
5. Ring Pressure – While ultimatums can get your guy down the isle, they usually don’t keep them in a long-term relationship. When Beth (Jennifer Aniston) breaks up with Neil (Ben Affleck) because he doesn’t want to marry her after seven years of dating, they’re both miserable being apart. As soon as she lets go of this requirement, you can guess what happens next.
The most important thing is to trust your gut, respect yourself, watch the Great Lover and Bad Lover signs. Communicate your needs and be ready to exit if you’re not getting what you need. If there’s any chance of a makeup, the sooner you release them and focus on you, the better your odds.
You’re much better off alone building a great life versus dating a whimp who lies to you and drains your valuable energy!
If you’re ready for great love, check out the tips for how to find an awesome relationship in my ebook: How to Attract Great Love. Take the pressure off needing someone too much, and watch out for these Bad Lover Signs early in a relationship. You deserve a great love who is totally into you – please don’t settle for anything less!
© Liz H. Kelly, Great Love Reporter, Great Life Great Love, http://www.greatlifegreatlove.com, 2009